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Empress Helen

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There's not enough room in in the New England hamlet of Belltone for two matrons of the arts.

“A toast to the new empress of Belltone!” cried the Hamleteers, and with that declaration Empress Helen supplanted Queen Charity as the cultural doyen in this quaint corner of Newport, RI.


In the comic novel “Empress Helen,” Joel McCaw deftly skewers the self-absorption and superficiality of the New England gentry class. Before becoming an honorary empress, Helen was bored with her life of conducting seances and teaching Kiswahili classes from her mansion on Brattle Street near Boston. To reinvigorate her passions, she needed a change of venue. Ergo, she seizes the opportunity to take a sabbatical in Newport, signing a three-month lease to dwell in the opulent Manner Manor. Helen looks forward to bringing a new “Period of Enlightenment” to her neighbors, the residents of the benighted hamlet called Belltone—aka, the Hamleteers.


Charity Manner, the courtly owner of Manner Manor, has a mercurial temper which “was seen by her neighbors as a manifestation of an aristocratic nature.” In deference to her refined pedigree, they granted to Charity the title of uncrowned Queen of Belltone. Unbeknownst to her subjects, however, Charity was going broke from the costs of maintaining the manor, as well as living up to her regal position within the hamlet’s community. To conceal her insolvency from the Hamleteers, she spins it as an altruistic act on her part, bringing Helen, a renowned patron of the arts, to Belltone.


Helen’s debut performance is a high-tech séance, using dual computers to receive and send messages via T-mail. “Thank god for this new technology,” Helen says, then commences to summon the spirit of her dead husband. Not to be outdone, a jealous Charity conducts her own séance and contacts her ancestor, the Quaker oatmeal tycoon, Early Manner. And then Helen hosts an Arts Festival. And Charity retaliates with a beach party at the lighthouse where she now resides. And so on.


The follies of Helen, Charity, and the Hamleteers make for nonstop humor. McCaw writes like a Gothic novelist with a flair for mischief. He stops short of addressing “Dear Reader,” but some of his authorial asides are in that vein. The general frivolity pervading the novel never falters, but its plot veers toward the surreal when it departs from Helen and Charity’s egocentric competition, then flies entirely off the tracks at the very end.


This very entertaining but dizzyingly digressive novel is Book Two of the author’s “Strangeways Saga.” 

Reviewed by

Gregg Sapp is author of the “Holidazed” satires. To date, six titles have been released: “Halloween from the Other Side,” “The Christmas Donut Revolution,” “Upside Down Independence Day,” “Murder by Valentine Candy," "Thanksgiving Thanksgotten Thanksgone," and the latest, "New Year's Eve, 1999."

Helen Steps Back in Order to Step Forward

About the author

Born and schooled in Rhode Island, further educated in the ‘60’s in Berkeley California, and traveled extensively. The Washington Post said he looks and sounds like he could have walked right out of a Graham Greene novel. Lives and works in McLean, Virginia. President of the Bent Twig Society. view profile

Published on December 15, 2021

Published by Bent Twig Society

80000 words

Contains mild explicit content ⚠️

Genre: Humor & Comedy

Reviewed by